How To Handle Divorcing An Alcoholic Husband

You might have a partner who gets drunk a lot and so much that he cannot make any decisions and doesn’t think about anything other than drinking. Having this kind of partners can be difficult for you to survive and more so when you are tortured mentally and physically when your partner is drunk. divorcing an alcoholic husband is not that easy since you may have to take care of many things beforehand.

In this article, we discuss the tips on divorcing an alcoholic partner. Although the topic suggests ‘divorcing an alcoholic husband’, the problem and tips can go either way. But, statistics show that men are more likely to be alcoholic partners who cause physical as well as mental pressure to their partners.

So, we will discuss with ‘divorcing an alcoholic husband’ point of view while you can think of it in a different way because these tips should work either way.

Read About How effective is Alcoholics Anonymous?

Should I divorce?

You may have come up with this question a million times if you have lived with an alcoholic husband. It is difficult to live with such people because neither do they fulfill your requirements or needs nor do they acknowledge their own.

And if there is physical violence involved as well, you don’t have a choice but to divorce. Here are some reasons that may help you to make decisions about whether you should go for a divorce:

Distress

If levels of marital anguish raise continually and there is too much stress for you because of your partner, you may want to go for it.

If you are too stressed out in the marriage and if you think that you would be better off and happy without a partner or without your current partner, you might have to give it a think because there is no point in staying with a partner if you are not happy with him.

An alcoholic husband only increases stress so you can consider other factors as well to make a decision.

Communication

What good is a spouse who gets lost in his own alcoholic world and doesn’t communicate effectively with his partner? If you have difficulty in communicating with each other and discussing anything because of the alcoholic husband, you have no reason to stay.

As marriage means a bond between to people who can make decisions together and have a good influence on each other, this condition doesn’t meet when you have an alcoholic partner. So, if you cannot communicate with your husband properly, consider divorce as an option.

Responsibility: It is difficult when you are the only one in the family with all the responsibilities of the house. Generally, an alcoholic person avoids joining in on any household duties and are carefree.

This can have a very negative effect on you as you are responsible for everything and there is a lot of pressure on you. It is almost impossible to handle if you also have kids. So, to avoid mental as well as the financial pressure you should consider divorce.

Domestic Violence

Studies show that men are more destructive physically as well as verbally toward their spouse when they are under the influence.

Alcohol misuse and the violence caused by aggressiveness due to alcohol can cause serious injury and you would never want to be a part of it.

When you married, you signed up for a decent partner who would look after you in difficult times and who would protect you but this is just the opposite. There are a lot of cases where alcoholic husbands beat up their wife and children when they are under influence.

Read About How to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings?

If such things happen to you, you should file a law suit regarding violence which makes even easier to get a divorce.

NOTE: Do not make any decisions without giving it a good thought. If your husband/partner just got heavily drunk one night and beat you up, doesn’t mean you give him a divorce straight up because sometimes it just happens in accident and you should try to tell your partner what he/she did wrong and if he acknowledges it and doesn’t behave like that again, it’s fine and if he doesn’t do so, you should consider it.

What to do and how to?

Making a decision about divorce is a great challenge in itself. But the more overwhelming part of this whole process is what to do for divorce and how to do that. Just leaving your partner won’t do you good because you need to look after things yourself after you have been apart so you need some preparation. Here are some tips that you should follow to do just that:

Gather evidence 

As you are willing to take a case to the court, you will need evidence. Whether it may be a person/witness that will confess the need of a divorce or maybe some signs of physical violence on you.

Any police reports filed against your husband can come in handy so make copies of those and any proof that your alcoholic husband gave you a hard time with physical and mental hardship will make a strong proof for your appeal in the court. Any photographs or video footage regarding any physical violence can work on your side.

DO NOT create fake proofs for making your case stronger. If you do so, you may be recognized as culprit for trying to fool the court so never do such thing.

Search for a lawyer

You will have to meet up a good attorney who is familiar with family law. You can arrange some meetings and call for your options in the divorce and how you should go for it. A good lawyer can explore your options and tell the best condition for your situation such that you don’t have a gap to fill after you have divorced.

A good attorney may cost a bit more but it is for your own privilege. You do not have to look here and there for some simple questions regarding the issue and you can ring your lawyer up for best advice. The importance of a good lawyer is explained below in other processes as well.

Plan your leave

Now that you have reached a decision to leave, make a proper strategy to do so. If you have kids, you should take them with you. You should remember to take all the necessary funds, your bank details, cellphone, credit cards and all required documents.

And most of all, you need a place to live in right after the divorce. This can be really difficult because you need to figure out a place that is safe from your ex-husband and sound for you as well. We would recommend you to go to a trusted friend or a family member until you find your own place.

Make a list

One of the conflictive issues about divorce is the division of assets. There needs to be a fair division of assets once you are divorcing. You need to make a list about what you should claim to be yours and gather necessary documents like bank account information, mortgage papers, and tax statements.

You lawyer can help a lot in this process. He/she can suggest you with ways to get what you deserve and can suggest what is legally right and what is not.

This leaves you with a distinct idea about what you will receive and you will be able to plan your expenses accordingly.

Plan the Budget

Divorce can cost a lot. You may have a hard time during the divorce process and it can get worse after the divorce, so plan accordingly. Do not waste your money on unnecessary things before you have successfully divorced.

As the budget that was enough for two person’s living gets divided, the cost for each gets high which results in problem after divorce, so, make a plan about how you plan to live after your divorce and make sure you will have a comfortable life with your kids (if any).

Update your identity

With the all the necessary papers and proper evidence, you can easily get a divorce and more so when your husband is an alcoholic. But after you have left you need to change a lot of things.

Your name in the first place (if you have changed after marriage) needs a change on your workplace, on your driving license, Social Security Card or any such documents.

This will help you avoid any problem regarding your identity in the future. This can be really difficult because you will need to manage a lot of things at once. Your lawyer can manage this for you as well.

This is why this article stressed on getting a good lawyer. If you have a good attorney for yourself he/she can suggest you with all the things you need to change and they can even create favorable scenarios for you to make that happen by booking appointments at different legal places.

Final Tips and Warnings

Here are some warnings and quick tips you might want to consider about the whole divorce decision. Believe me, you will probably face these and these tips should come in use.

Take your children

There is no point in leaving your children with a drunk person. An alcoholic can’t be a good parent and look after their children.

They barely look after themselves so you should not leave your children in a volatile situation.

Your partner may show a claim on your child but you have all the rights to take your child for yourself as your partner is an alcoholic person who could get violent and cause harm to your child physically and mentally.

Don’t try to convince your drunk husband/spouse

There is no point in trying to convince a drunk spouse about things. Alcohol makes people intoxicated and alcoholic people consume a lot of this toxic.

When you are talking to them while they are drunk, you are talking to an absolutely different person who doesn’t listen to you rationally and cannot make any decisions at that moment.

Some will just ignore you while other may produce a violent response which will only harm you.

In emergency call police

If you see any sign that you may be at risk of being harmed, contact law enforcement immediately. There have been cases where the ex-husband has come aggressively to them and tried to be aggressive and hurt them.

You should always be aware and keep your children aware as well (if they are old enough) about calling the police if they tend to harm you or threaten you by any kind. This can be terrifying if your ex-partner is violent. But police protection can always be of great help.

Try to save your marriage

It has been mentioned above as well and it is mentioned here too. Try saving your marriage if possible. Living with an alcoholic spouse is never easy for you or your kids.

But you cannot take any decisions in haste. Obviously not a decision this big. Just try some remedies on your husband to make him sober and tell him that it is not right what he is doing.

You may also try giving him alcohol and decreasing the quantity daily. This can make your husband sober if he cooperates with your attempt.

Try for some time but if you get a violent response even after a lot of convincing, go for divorce. Because it can be really troublesome to live with such people.

So these were the tips for you to leaving an alcoholic husband. And as mentioned previously, you can take this in a more generalized way as well. Because both men and women can be a victim of this problem and both of them need some tips to make them see further. The tips mentioned in the article should be enough to get you out of that faulty marriage and make you live a good life ahead. Also, some people think that by leaving their alcoholic spouse, they may be being cruel but in fact statistics show that husbands that got divorced for being an alcoholic got sober after the divorce.

One comment on “How To Handle Divorcing An Alcoholic Husband”

  1. Darlene Lancer LMFT

    If you’ve been “beaten up” by your spouse, I wouldn’t wait for the next time. Alcohol is not excuse, and it is present in the majority of intimate partner violence incidents. Read ‘The Truth about Abusive Relationships.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/toxic-relationships/201706/the-truth-about-abusers-abuse-and-what-do
    Learn to set boundaries and build your self-esteem.
    Darlene Lancer, LMFT
    Author of “Codependency for Dummies”
    http://www.whatiscodependency.com

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